Online dating questions and answers

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How someone answers to these questions can give you clues about how to love them well, and also let you know how they may often try to express their love for you. What are their likes and dislikes, what do you have in common, what does he or she do in their spare time? Think about how websites write their headlines, e.

Why isn't anyone contacting me. What am I supposed to say. Then women stay with you for the internal benefits you offer them, which not only means it's for who you are as a person — rather than for being a means to an end, like a provider — it's for the relationship itself. So let's take a zip look. Are they online or not. Thank you for the help. If I am not on the site it should not say so. Could he actually NOT be on match but show online?.

Also, according to OkCupid,. Since few people attend schools on good manners and social graces, career counseling is the most information they are ever going to get.

Online Dating Blog - So does every other guy on here.

There was just one problem: I didn't want to throw myself back into the dating pool. It was exhausting and often demoralizing. An attractive guy would send me a message. I wasn't interested in meeting dozens of single men. I just wanted to find the right man, someone who was perfect for me. Between the time I started online dating and now, I've discovered exactly how dating websites work. I've tracked and analyzed data, spoken to computer scientists, and figured out what makes certain profiles successful. I even wrote a book about what I learned—and included a final chapter written by the man who took me out on my last-ever first date. Whether you're creating a new profile or you're a longtime, frustrated online dater, I have some insights that will help make your experience better. It may seem like online dating is straightforward, but what's happening behind the scenes—and your screen—can be confusing and can often produce bizarre results. Here are some basic answers to the questions you might be too embarrassed to ask. Will anyone actually read my profile, or are they just looking at my photos? In part because of how dating sites are designed, most of us see photos first, and that's when we determine whether to read through the rest of a profile. It has to do more with neuroscience than superficiality. We're drawn to photos over text, because we can process that visual information and make inferences more quickly. If you use Pinterest, which puts all its emphasis on photos, you already know the power of an image. Online retailers showcase photos of their products for good reason. It causes people to click and buy. With this in mind, think about the photos you've uploaded. Are they half-hearted selfies? Or do you look absolutely stunning—showing a little skin, wearing fresh makeup, looking happy? I don't want anyone to know who I am in real life. What happens if I decide not to include a photo? Chances are extremely good that few people will click through your profile. If they do send you a message, a photo is likely to be the first thing they ask for. You need to post two to four casual photos of just yourself. Am I really being matched with someone specifically for me, or is it all random chance? In most cases, it's random chance. The problem has to do with how dating sites collect and parse our data. A lot of sites ask some very basic questions, like whether you smoke or what religion you are. If you smoke a cigarette every now and again, maybe only when you're having a cocktail, does that make you a smoker? To some people, yes. We're all incredibly nuanced. Dating sites are built to interview you individually, and I'd hazard a guess that you're not painting a truly accurate picture of yourself online. It's OK—none of us do. Some sites ignore your answers and instead look at your behaviors. You might say that you're looking for a tall businessman, but you only click on profiles compact musicians. The site will use your behavioral data and match you on that. But again, there might be a good reason you're clicking on men who seem contrary to your stated preferences: You're curious, you're bored, you're looking with a girlfriend and that happens to be her type. There's a much better way of matching people—asking you to describe exactly what you're looking for in specific terms. We may fib a little when describing whether we smoke, but what incentive is there to stretch the truth about what we want in a mate? I keep hearing about dating apps, like Tinder. How are they different from online dating sites? Which one should I use? Unlike online dating sites, most mobile apps are free, require just a few seconds to set up, and include a real-time geolocation feature, which is to say that they're more immediate. Set your location, age, and gender preferences and you'll see a stream of pictures showing who's available nearby. Just about everyone uses them for casual meetups, but some women I know claim that they're finding significant others using apps like Tinder. If you're looking for a long-term relationship, stick with the traditional online dating sites. How much should I explain about myself in my profile? Enough to create a curiosity gap. Think about how websites write their headlines, e. Use the same approach when writing your profile. Create a sense of mystery and excitement and give people a concrete reason to contact you. I live in a small town with slim pickings. Will online dating help me? If you're willing to expand your reach to the maximum number of miles allowed, or if you're able to drive to the next town over, then yes. But you need to be explicit and honest about where you live early on—and you need to be willing to put in the effort to drive out to see the people you're meeting. I live in a massive city with millions of possibilities—why can't I find anyone good online? This may seem counterintuitive, but it can be harder to find what you're looking for in denser geographic areas. A bigger population tends to mean more people online, and choosier daters. If you're not having any luck, try expanding your geographic zone if you're willing to travel. Why isn't anyone contacting me? What did I do wrong? There are many variables, so try to evaluate each one. Are you using the best possible photos? Did you write an extremely long profile? Or one that's too short? Did you try to use sarcasm? Maybe it's coming across as bitter rather than funny. It's entirely possible though that you've done nothing wrong at all and that you have a very good profile. Going in to refresh your profile once a day could potentially help, depending on the dating site you're using. Some reward more active users with better placement especially if they filter by last log in or update. Should I buy a membership? How long is this going to take? If you're looking for a long-term relationship, you probably should buy at least a three-month membership. Even if you do immediately find the man of your dreams, it'll take a few months of dating before you know whether you're officially out of the dating pool. That said, if you know exactly what you're looking for and you have a strategy, it may take only a few weeks. Once I had my own strategy in place, the next date I went on turned out to be my last one ever. How did you finally know? Amy Webb is the author of , out in paperback.